Jill's Blog Spot

Just talked to a friend that asked if I have ever experienced depression or mental illness. I would have to say with compassion for people that have dealt with it, personally I have not. I have only dealt with it by being married to someone experiencing it. I know that it is a heartbreaking, debilitating illness that is very misunderstood. I know that people do not understand and want people to snap out of it. And I know that it is not that easy. By saying I was never on an antidepressant, in no way do I mean to say that I think no one should be. I just kinda think that it’s a miracle I wasn’t, don’t you??

👍🏼❤👍🏼❤👍🏼 Thanks😊

Ya gotta know my heart❤

Emotions are a tricky thing. They can fool you. I know one thing I have learned is that you can’t be ruled by them. They can lead you astray. It’s a fine line with them. You definitely have to feel your feelings, but they aren’t the boss of your life. Again, balance.

Let’s take sad, for instance, of course it’s right to feel sad about something. But there comes a time where something, I say Holy Spirit, kicks in and says, “Ok, you’ve felt this feeling long enough. If you keep feeling this way, it’s going to lead to depression.” That little nudge is telling me it’s time to start praying and working on myself to move on.

I do understand severe depression too. One of my marriages was with a man that struggled with severe clinical depression and addiction. I will have to say, and I am bragging in no way, that miraculously through my life I have never been on an antidepressant one day. I know they are needed to help people because I’ve watched depression, I’ve seen how it works, it’s a very real thing that can take you down. The sad thing that I saw was, with some people, the help can end up the hindrance. One doctor turned into 8 doctors. So we need the right kind of help sometimes.

I also know that just because you are there doesn’t mean you have to stay there. Just because someone has called you Bi Polar doesn’t mean you will be forever. That does not have to be your identity. I’ve seen many people walk out of that and lead normal lives. There is always hope.

That’s the main thing, having hope, and faith and not giving up no matter what the situation is. I believe we have to get any amount of help we can. That could mean, prayer, recovery meetings, deliverance, inner healing,  and anything else it takes to walk it out. I’m pretty passionate about all of these things, because I’ve seen great results and change for people.

I think lots of people are numb. The bad part about numb is that you don’t feel the good things like joy, peace, and happiness. Which help keeping us going, growing, and changing. There were probably times when I didn’t feel joyful for long, long, periods of time. But that didn’t mean it was gone. I was just being bombarded with other feelings and it wasn’t time for joy yet. When it was time, it broke through again. Its ok to go through pain and suffering sometimes. That’s life. It will end if you turn to the right sources.

Another scripture,  ” Weeping will endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”Ps. 30:5.  I choose, joy, I choose life. I choose to keep my eyes on what I am supposed to accomplish and I choose to never give up.

I remember one time I was ready to go to the doctor and I talked to my sponser at Al Anon about it. I told her, ” I think I’m depressed.” She said, “Don’t ever let that come out of your mouth again.” I was shocked!! I don’t think that was her speaking to me . I think it was my savior. He showed up like that to me because I had decided to get every amount of help that I could get.

Knock, and the door shall open. Seek and you shall find.

Prov. 15:22  Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed!

Don’t give up! Even on bad days, months, years!! Don’t give up!!

Tomorrow❤️

 

On this subject a little bit. What I have learned is that I can’t get around any obstacle in life without love. I HAVE to come to forgiveness about things. If I would have walked around bitter my whole life I couldn’t have helped anyone. I had to forgive the rapist. I’ve had to forgive every person that ever let me down. When that is done it releases you and them both. We can’t expect imperfect, messed up people in this earth to never hurt us or let us down. Just like we let others down.

There is lots of controversy going on in our land today. There is lots of hatred, there are lots of people standing for their cause. I got Love in my heart from Jesus but the way I learned to walk it out was through Al Anon 12 step Recovery meetings. I learned there that no matter where someone comes from, we can still love one another. I learned tools there how to literally detach from them emotionally and love them anyway. Not everyone is called to walk things out the way I do, but this has been my experience. Some people are called more to defending a certain cause, but I am just called to love everyone, no matter where they come from. I’ve also had to learn the balance and boundaries in that, to remember where they end and I begin and to hold on to me.

Everyone started somewhere in their life. The Bible even states that Love is the greatest gift of all. Jesus laid down His life for people that hated Him and scorned Him. All people have to come to their own terms with that.

While I was in the years of quietness and silence, I searched myself out alot. I had to work on myself alot. I didn’t have alot of confidence. Didn’t feel like I had anything to say or even a right to say anything. I believe we all have a voice that needs to be heard and I always want to be known as someone that finds the gold in people and helps pull it out of them. Sometimes people need help finding that and need help walking that out. Sometimes they have been told so many lies all their life, from people and in their own mind, that they need help knowing what their voice is. I did…

When I love people the best I can and honor them, I find such a supernatural favor comes upon anything that I’m doing. That shows me that God is working for my cause to make it happen because He knows I will treat His people that He created  the way He wants them treated. Am I perfect at it, no, but it is my heart and what I’m working toward.

Do I get mad at people? Yes…Do I not understand people sometimes? Yes… but do I have to come to forgive? Yes and do I have to SHIFT a little to understand? Yes..

Keep learning, growing, and walking it out!

As Danny Silk from Bethel says, “Keep your love on!”

Tomorrow❤….

 

Hello, the first thing I’d like to say this am is “Don’t give up!” I thought someone might need to hear that this am. Putting this out for the public to see was a very “butterflies in my tummy” moment. I had thoughts last night that I must have really lost my mind to do this!! I just have to tell my mind to get out of the way and I choose to listen to my heart!! That’s the voice of truth.

Ok, let’s get it out of our minds that everyone is out there just living a perfect life. You know that can’t be true and if they say it they are lying. No life on this earth is perfect! It can still be full of joy and love though!! It’s up to us. We can choose life or death every day!!

Back to the crime days. That happened to me just a short time after a high school friend had been murdered. I really thought I was going to die. It is so scary when you think you are going to die! It really, really does take your mind and mess it all up!! Living becomes so important to you!! The things you take for granted are important! You are ready to do anything to live. That’s why I made the promise to help others.

I want to live forever, and that is promised to us if we believe in Jesus! I am grateful that I do believe in Jesus, because if I didn’t I really don’t think I’d be sane. Thankful for family members that passed that down.

Im going to give you a preview of what all I’ve been through: The rape, one divorce, parents divorce after 44 years of marriage, another marriage and divorce, a remarry and divorce. I have 2 children that lived through this also. They are very sweet, precious daughters. You can say, “Wow you sure are a mess!” But I say, SHIFT HAPPENS… you never know where you could possibly find yourself in this life. The Bible says, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”

That scripture could mean many things and probably a different thing to any person that reads it. To me, I literally went through losing everything in my life several times…and found it way better than I would be if I would have never lost it. I’ve also learned that you can’t care what people think of you or what naysayers have to say about you. Just know that, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:28-31

One thing I learned early on, you can’t compare yourself to anyone else!! They may not have the same call and destiny on their life as you. Their walk is totally different. Their message is totally different. You don’t have to wonder why bad things have happened to you or get in self pity about it. Rise up and be the best you can be and keep getting any kind of help you can and you are sure to grow and change. With God there is always increase in your life. May not be how you expect and you may have to SHIFT a bit, but it’s there!!

Don’t give up!!

Things can change!!👍🏼😊

Tomorrow…❤

 

 

 

Hi…just thinking…I want to make sure you know I have a lot of compassion for people that have lost someone and are grieving. I sort of rushed through that quickly and I don’t want anyone to think any of this stuff is easy and doesn’t take time…but you can still live while you are going through things. That’s the hope and the goal anyway.

With prayer,  and I have been in many support groups, worship services, counseling sessions, conferences, cried with my clients, kicked screamed whatever I had to do to get better. I had to learn to be pretty transparent about whatever I was going through.

Lots of people seem to be able to work through things alone. For me, I’m a very relational person and always have lots of people around in my life. Guess you could say extrovert.

Just lately went to a retreat with RTF… Restoring The Foundations, and found out some new things about myself. We never stop learning and growing and getting stronger to help others. Remember? The crisis I went through showed me that helping others is my purpose?

I learned at this retreat, when I moved to this new place 12 years ago and moved away from my town of 48 years, children moved out of home (empty nest), went through menopause, gave up 30 year salon business, started new marriage, new life…. I got hit with PTSD.

I tried to work in so, so many different salons to not fit in,  things were just different than they were before. There were many new things that were wonderful! I had a wonderful new husband, thank God! But talk about SHIFT!!

I was so grateful at this time for all of the different things I had learned through the years to hang on to. I really did lose my voice though. I didn’t know I loved to write so I didn’t. That might have helped me.

The new salons had young women that did new things, all new people around that didn’t know me or what I was all about. Didn’t know that they could trust me. Didn’t know that I meant well.

It takes time sometimes. We have to learn not to rush things. We can still live, love, and enjoy life, even though it is different. I still knew there was a purpose. I still knew I had done what God had told me to do. I still had to hold onto that.

My new husband had a dream, he saw my eyes in the dream. He went to work and a prophet told him marry the one on the right. That was the confirmation, that was God telling me I was on the right track. There was no doubt. There were many huge obstacles but no doubt.

I had to learn a new normal. I had to learn to not be too hard on myself. I had to learn that I don’t have all the answers for others, they have to do some of the same things I have had to do to get better. They can’t get it from me, they can’t get it from being around me, they have to connect with God just like I did. He is the savior not any other thing. All these tools just lead to Him, His Son Jesus, and Holy Spirit.

While my voice was lost, I could not even mention the name Jesus to anyone and on FB. I was in a new land that didn’t understand. My old land knew that I was all about that, but this new land didn’t understand.

Many in this whole land know the name, and go to the building. But it’s not in their heart, changing their attitudes, and helping them cope, and helping them find their purpose, and helping them know answers or which direction to turn. It’s not big enough to help them discern who is lying or who is mean.

It can be that real..really.

My voice is open. I’m not afraid to mention it anymore. Because, you see, I went through all kinds of horrible events in my life to rise up out of the ashes and let you know that it can happen to anyone that wants it.

I won’t push, I promise…. just giving you the info. It’s up to you!

I wish the best for you!!

Hope to see you tomorrow❤