Category: Self Help

On this subject a little bit. What I have learned is that I can’t get around any obstacle in life without love. I HAVE to come to forgiveness about things. If I would have walked around bitter my whole life I couldn’t have helped anyone. I had to forgive the rapist. I’ve had to forgive every person that ever let me down. When that is done it releases you and them both. We can’t expect imperfect, messed up people in this earth to never hurt us or let us down. Just like we let others down.

There is lots of controversy going on in our land today. There is lots of hatred, there are lots of people standing for their cause. I got Love in my heart from Jesus but the way I learned to walk it out was through Al Anon 12 step Recovery meetings. I learned there that no matter where someone comes from, we can still love one another. I learned tools there how to literally detach from them emotionally and love them anyway. Not everyone is called to walk things out the way I do, but this has been my experience. Some people are called more to defending a certain cause, but I am just called to love everyone, no matter where they come from. I’ve also had to learn the balance and boundaries in that, to remember where they end and I begin and to hold on to me.

Everyone started somewhere in their life. The Bible even states that Love is the greatest gift of all. Jesus laid down His life for people that hated Him and scorned Him. All people have to come to their own terms with that.

While I was in the years of quietness and silence, I searched myself out alot. I had to work on myself alot. I didn’t have alot of confidence. Didn’t feel like I had anything to say or even a right to say anything. I believe we all have a voice that needs to be heard and I always want to be known as someone that finds the gold in people and helps pull it out of them. Sometimes people need help finding that and need help walking that out. Sometimes they have been told so many lies all their life, from people and in their own mind, that they need help knowing what their voice is. I did…

When I love people the best I can and honor them, I find such a supernatural favor comes upon anything that I’m doing. That shows me that God is working for my cause to make it happen because He knows I will treat His people that He created  the way He wants them treated. Am I perfect at it, no, but it is my heart and what I’m working toward.

Do I get mad at people? Yes…Do I not understand people sometimes? Yes… but do I have to come to forgive? Yes and do I have to SHIFT a little to understand? Yes..

Keep learning, growing, and walking it out!

As Danny Silk from Bethel says, “Keep your love on!”

Tomorrow….

 

Hello, the first thing I’d like to say this am is “Don’t give up!” I thought someone might need to hear that this am. Putting this out for the public to see was a very “butterflies in my tummy” moment. I had thoughts last night that I must have really lost my mind to do this!! I just have to tell my mind to get out of the way and I choose to listen to my heart!! That’s the voice of truth.

Ok, let’s get it out of our minds that everyone is out there just living a perfect life. You know that can’t be true and if they say it they are lying. No life on this earth is perfect! It can still be full of joy and love though!! It’s up to us. We can choose life or death every day!!

Back to the crime days. That happened to me just a short time after a high school friend had been murdered. I really thought I was going to die. It is so scary when you think you are going to die! It really, really does take your mind and mess it all up!! Living becomes so important to you!! The things you take for granted are important! You are ready to do anything to live. That’s why I made the promise to help others.

I want to live forever, and that is promised to us if we believe in Jesus! I am grateful that I do believe in Jesus, because if I didn’t I really don’t think I’d be sane. Thankful for family members that passed that down.

Im going to give you a preview of what all I’ve been through: The rape, one divorce, parents divorce after 44 years of marriage, another marriage and divorce, a remarry and divorce. I have 2 children that lived through this also. They are very sweet, precious daughters. You can say, “Wow you sure are a mess!” But I say, SHIFT HAPPENS… you never know where you could possibly find yourself in this life. The Bible says, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”

That scripture could mean many things and probably a different thing to any person that reads it. To me, I literally went through losing everything in my life several times…and found it way better than I would be if I would have never lost it. I’ve also learned that you can’t care what people think of you or what naysayers have to say about you. Just know that, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:28-31

One thing I learned early on, you can’t compare yourself to anyone else!! They may not have the same call and destiny on their life as you. Their walk is totally different. Their message is totally different. You don’t have to wonder why bad things have happened to you or get in self pity about it. Rise up and be the best you can be and keep getting any kind of help you can and you are sure to grow and change. With God there is always increase in your life. May not be how you expect and you may have to SHIFT a bit, but it’s there!!

Don’t give up!!

Things can change!!

Tomorrow…

 

 

 

Hi…just thinking…I want to make sure you know I have a lot of compassion for people that have lost someone and are grieving. I sort of rushed through that quickly and I don’t want anyone to think any of this stuff is easy and doesn’t take time…but you can still live while you are going through things. That’s the hope and the goal anyway.

With prayer,  and I have been in many support groups, worship services, counseling sessions, conferences, cried with my clients, kicked screamed whatever I had to do to get better. I had to learn to be pretty transparent about whatever I was going through.

Lots of people seem to be able to work through things alone. For me, I’m a very relational person and always have lots of people around in my life. Guess you could say extrovert.

Just lately went to a retreat with RTF… Restoring The Foundations, and found out some new things about myself. We never stop learning and growing and getting stronger to help others. Remember? The crisis I went through showed me that helping others is my purpose?

I learned at this retreat, when I moved to this new place 12 years ago and moved away from my town of 48 years, children moved out of home (empty nest), went through menopause, gave up 30 year salon business, started new marriage, new life…. I got hit with PTSD.

I tried to work in so, so many different salons to not fit in,  things were just different than they were before. There were many new things that were wonderful! I had a wonderful new husband, thank God! But talk about SHIFT!!

I was so grateful at this time for all of the different things I had learned through the years to hang on to. I really did lose my voice though. I didn’t know I loved to write so I didn’t. That might have helped me.

The new salons had young women that did new things, all new people around that didn’t know me or what I was all about. Didn’t know that they could trust me. Didn’t know that I meant well.

It takes time sometimes. We have to learn not to rush things. We can still live, love, and enjoy life, even though it is different. I still knew there was a purpose. I still knew I had done what God had told me to do. I still had to hold onto that.

My new husband had a dream, he saw my eyes in the dream. He went to work and a prophet told him marry the one on the right. That was the confirmation, that was God telling me I was on the right track. There was no doubt. There were many huge obstacles but no doubt.

I had to learn a new normal. I had to learn to not be too hard on myself. I had to learn that I don’t have all the answers for others, they have to do some of the same things I have had to do to get better. They can’t get it from me, they can’t get it from being around me, they have to connect with God just like I did. He is the savior not any other thing. All these tools just lead to Him, His Son Jesus, and Holy Spirit.

While my voice was lost, I could not even mention the name Jesus to anyone and on FB. I was in a new land that didn’t understand. My old land knew that I was all about that, but this new land didn’t understand.

Many in this whole land know the name, and go to the building. But it’s not in their heart, changing their attitudes, and helping them cope, and helping them find their purpose, and helping them know answers or which direction to turn. It’s not big enough to help them discern who is lying or who is mean.

It can be that real..really.

My voice is open. I’m not afraid to mention it anymore. Because, you see, I went through all kinds of horrible events in my life to rise up out of the ashes and let you know that it can happen to anyone that wants it.

I won’t push, I promise…. just giving you the info. It’s up to you!

I wish the best for you!!

Hope to see you tomorrow

 

 

 

 

Hi…I thought I lost Day 2, but I found it!!! Yayee catching on to this thing!! Doesn’t that show you that you can catch onto something after only 3 days!! Wow, I don’t have it licked but I am catching on!! Little by little we can conquer things if we don’t give up!!

To be honest, I typed 624 pages on here and then found Day 2 which changed the whole way that Day 3 needed to go so I clicked edit, erased the page, and here we go!!! SHIFT!!

Well, let’s talk a little more about where I got to travel in my new life of surrender!! When I went in the salon that morning, first thing I did was to tell the young man I worked with what had happened to me, after being told that I would be killed if I told anything. He asked if I was ok and I said, “Sure.”

This led to my friend, another stylist, that told her client, a police officer, about it. The officer asked if I could talked to someone else about it and I said, “Yes.”

Later, that week I met with a lady from the Rape Crisis Center and she showed me a photo album. I picked his picture out in there, and then had to pick him out of a lineup. Not exactly a fun procedure for this 23 year old that had grown up with a fairly sheltered life with Mom, Dad, one brother, one dog, dinner on the table every evening, in a very nice brick home in a very nice, safe neighborhood.

I must say that I was already slanted this direction. I never did really fit in the box and was meant for other things.

So, my friends had to go pick him out too,  because they had passed him as I went over to watch their little boy that night. They came home telling me that he said, “You tell her I will kill her if I get out.”

You know what? That was a risk I had to take because I didn’t want to see it happen to someone else. Which, I did, later on in years, see in the paper that he was out and molested a little girl that his wife babysat for….that did not make me happy.

I learned that he had been abused as a child (surprise?) and his brother had even burned their house down. So I learned not to hate a person, to hate that dark thing driving them.

I learned about the different kinds of people, their backgrounds, the demons tormenting them. I learned how to get free of my own.

I remember laying awake all night crying for something to change. I won’t ever say that God brings any bad things on you but I will say that He is the potter and I am the clay. And the outcome has been good.

This is just a very little bit of what I have walked through. You will hear it in the days ahead. I only hope that it can touch your heart, and help you understand the things people have gone through and the reasons they do things, and know that we can’t take things so personal.

Enjoy your day!! No matter what!! Don’t think of what you have lost!! Think of what you still have!

See you tomorrow

Hi…well came back like I said I would!! Part of being able to handle this SHIFT thing is to be able to handle adversity!! There are many voices that come at us everyday!! Voices that would like us to quit, get in fear,  and lose faith and confidence!! The more we press on and keep going the stronger we get!!

Lets get back to the time when I went through the crime…how did this affect my life? Honestly, when the man was holding the knife to my throat I made a deal with God, I told Him that if He would let me live I would do whatever He wanted me to on this earth. Hence,  me doing this right now. My survival always has depended on what kind of purpose there was in it and what good could come out of it!!! So the good is, helping others walk out of hard things.

The next day I did get up and go to work at the hair salon where I worked. When I drove there that morning the world seemed like a whole different place to me. I knew I was alive for a reason and a purpose. So when you go through change if you can stop and find the good in what you are facing. I know you say but what if it’s a death of your child or your spouse? I know, seems unfair doesn’t it? Seems like you can’t live again or breath anymore yourself. Grieving is allowed… sometimes even grieving when a good new thing happens in your life. Because sometimes you have to grieve and accept that life will just never be the same again. It really is ok for life to never be the same again though. That leaves the door open for the SHIFT of things and the new things before you. Some of the good feelings can’t come until you have gone through all of the stages to acceptance. If everything would have just kept going the same old way I wouldn’t have changed enough to be who I am today and I would be settling for status quo which has not been my life at all. I pretty much learned to live like every day might be my last day and that’s a good thing.

People get in ruts and get stuck in everyday things that get so boring but they don’t want to change. I think sometimes when you do that, you finally get blinded and don’t realize that you have made yourself quite a constructive cocoon to live and be safe in and if something comes along to shake you and rock your world you are totally not prepared at all. That doesn’t seem like a very safe place to be at all to me. That seems like a deceptive thing to me.

But then again, I was the one that promised God that I would do anything that He wanted me to on this earth and I think He made sure I have had some huge learning experiences to become ready and willing to plunge into some things He would have me do.

The experiences were like college to me, and they made me stronger, and they let me roll in the dirt sometimes and experience what other people go through,  and it made me see things from other’s perspective, and it made me love unlovable people more and it made me walk in a different realm of life. It made me let go of me and be the me He needed on this earth…

More tomorrow…let change happen, its alllllll good!